"stuff"

so, i'm finally sitting down to write a post that i have been meaning to for a while.  you know that one that has been swirling around in your heart for some time?  yea that one.  the time that i have had home with the babe has been so good, actually more than good.  it has allowed me to reset my head and heart and slow down time.  in some ways it feels like just yesterday that i brought the little babe home but in others it feels like such a time that i have been able to soak up every minute while the world around me spins.  before going out on maternity leave, i was so stressed.  stressed about the pregnancy, my job, leaving my job, my recovering brother and wondering how we were going to do it while i was out of work.  i was bound and determined to make it until christmas break on dec 20th to make for a "smooth" transition and tie up any loose ends at work.  well the Lord had other plans and those plans were perfect because i learned yet again that i wasn't in control and it would be ok.  the world around me would continue and that the Lord wanted me right where He had me.  with a little baby in my arms to love and comfort.

another thing that has hit me like a ton of bricks is what i call "stuff".  the Lord convicted my heart a few months ago and if you have talked with me about my heart any lately you have heard about this "stuff".  guess what you have time to do while you are sitting around nursing all day?  sit on your phone and browse blogs that advertise the latest fashion trends and must haves, read every email that reads 50% off online now! and browse amazon that has everything under the sun at the touch of a button.  i realized that i was looking forward to packages arriving and going to target for what would always end up in a $50+ trip.  i literally can't get out of that place for less.  and don't get me wrong, i love target and keeping up with trends but when your heart is wrong about it and you realize that you don't need more "stuff" to clutter your life it is a freeing thing.

i felt like every time i turned around there were more tory burchs than i could count or another new nail polish color that i had to have or another outfit that was on my radar.  the mr. always tells me and has for years "it's just stuff".  slowly but surely it has started to sink in.  i'm not saying that i'm going all sacrificial and won't ever own anything nice in my life, but when it becomes your world, a heart change in order.  when you don't look forward to saving up for something and just expect to get it when you want it, nothing is ever good enough and you keep wanting more.  i see it all the time.

i've had a good friend that has spent the last three weeks watching her newborn son fight for his life because of a serious heart condition.  it has really weighed heavy on my heart because you see the hurt and heartache and the realness of God's sovereignty, which is so good but so hard.  it makes you feel like that trip to target or new pair of shoes don't matter.  when you see a sweet friend in so much pain you want to leverage your resources to help.

i was reading the other week about the lenten season and what it means to give something up on #shereadstruth.  when i read "we give up that which we do not need to live, to gain that which we cannot live without: more Jesus", it made so much sense to me.  stripping our lives of the "stuff" with which we do not need and replacing it with what we do need.  i've committed to giving up "stuff" so that i can do more giving and living.  giving to others to further His kingdom and living for the moments that matter.  i love in another entry when it says "when we direct our eyes to Jesus rather than scurrying around, jumping through hoops to gain the favor of sinners just like us, we give up what is fleeting for what will last.  we receive so much more in these sweet, secret, unnoticed, unannounced moments with our Savior than any other could in a lifetime give."

fasting is about dependence.  a dependence on God and a withholding of good things that have become too important in our lives.  I love John Piper's quote: "If you don't feel strong desires for the manifestation of the glory of God, it is not because you have drunk deeply and are satisfied.  it is because you have nibbled so long at the table of the world.  your soul is stuffed with small things and there is no room for the great."  if your hunger for God isn't strong then you know the things of this world and the "stuff" are taking up too much room.


Matthew 4:4 says "Man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that comes from the mouth of God".  this is my lock screen on my phone right now because it reminds me that i will be tempted and temptation is realest to me during a season of fasting.

my church does "my one word" every year and instead of picking new years resolutions, you pick a word that you feel would challenge you and your walk with God.  i have talked about it before on the blog and the words that i have picked like image, and abide.  this year i am going to pick leverage.  i want to learn to leverage my resources, time and talent to further the kingdom.  here's to less "stuff" and more giving and living in 2014 :)